I was at home. I was sleeping on the couch. I often slept on my couch when my children were with their dad because I wanted to hear if someone tried to break in. I was single, and I thought it would make a difference if I heard them. I was wrong.
It was 4 am. I remember because I looked at my phone when I heard the noise of someone messing with my doorknob. My worst nightmare come true. Someone is trying to come inside my home. I’m alone. All these thoughts are coming through my mind of what should I do. I have my phone. I go to the door to see who it is trying to come in my home at 4 am when I am home alone.
When I look through the window on my door I see a familiar face. Someone I know. Someone I dated once and was in a relationship with. Also someone I had broken up with recently and who was angry with me. I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t happy with me. This wasn’t going to be a friendly visit. He wasn’t there to say hello and see how I’ve been. Remember it’s 4 am.
I pleaded with him through my front door to leave. Please just go home. I promised we would talk tomorrow if he would just leave my house. I could tell he had been drinking. He had sent text messages to my phone all day. He told me he was in Tulsa bar hopping the entire day. He had been drinking since early that afternoon. How did he even manage to make it to my house 50 miles from Tulsa.
It was then he busted through my front door. Threw me to the couch. Threw my phone against my living room wall and it busted into pieces. I knew this wasn’t going to be good for me. I knew my life was about to change forever. The question was to what extent. I remember thinking I’ve always heard don’t let them move you to another location. I kept trying to reason with him. Still pleading if he would just leave I would talk to him tomorrow.
He didn’t listen. There was no reasoning with him. He had been drinking the entire day and night. He was so angry with me for breaking up with him. I won’t go into the details of exactly what took place in my house at 4 am. I will say that after a while he did leave. My phone busted. I can’t call the cops. I got in my car, clothes ripped to shreds, drove to a convenience store, called the Sheriff’s department because I lived outside of city limits. A Sheriff’s deputy came quickly to my home. Took my report and took my ripped up clothes into evidence. I could tell he felt horrible and felt sorry for me. He was so kind. We’ve seen each other since then and I can tell he remembers the night. So do i.
I made one mistake. When it was time to go to court I didn’t press charges. I was so scared and didn’t want my children to be burdened by this getting out. I settled for a lifetime protective order, which is still effective today. The judge was angry with me for not pressing charges. He told him he faced 50 years plus in prison if I pressed charges. I know if my kids knew the extent of what I went through that night they would be angry with me for not pressing charges. I guess they will know now. I’ve only told a couple people about this happening to me. I don’t like being a victim. Date rape is strange because I found myself questioning if I was really raped or not. I knew him. I dated him. but when he was assaulting me I was screaming no. He did rape me. and I can finally admit to that.
Thank you to all the strong women out there sharing their stories. You made me finally brave enough to share my story. I am forever grateful. I am telling my story to hopefully help anyone out there scared to tell theirs. Don’t be afraid. By sharing our stories we empower other women and ourselves.
Thanks for reading.